Let me just preface this with saying that I am FULLY aware that this guy is NOT out there and does NOT exist. But…, lets just go forward with this for a second for the hell of it.
I want someone who loves Star Wars as much as I do, and thinks my tattoo idea is cool. I want him to be a mild Trekky, but not be too obsessed with it. I want someone who knows that Han shot first. I want someone who will watch Donnie Darko, V for Vendetta, and Fight Club with me. And on the flip side, will reminisce about The Brave Little Toaster and The Land Before Time.
I want someone who can handle their liquor, and won’t judge me for choosing to drink or go out to bars. I want someone who would still take me on dates just for the hell of it, even after we are dating, and for no special occasion.
I want someone who loves some of the classics - The Beach Boys, The Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel …and can tolerate my love for horrible 80s music. I want someone who will rock out with me at a country concert, and protect me in a mosh pit.
I want someone with a sense of humor that is just as sick and fucked up as my own. Someone who is obnoxious as hell but knows when to cool it down and be serious and respectful. I want someone who can handle my sarcasm and biting words. I want someone who thinks my bitchy humor is funny, and understands that it is just me making jokes. I want someone I can poke fun at without hurting their feelings, and vise versa. I want someone who I can laugh with all the time, because nothing honestly makes me happier.
I want someone who understands pain and depression. I hate bright and shiny people with perfect lives who have never gone through an emotional trauma. I need someone who at least can maybe understand the dark times I have went through. I want someone who I can be real with - someone that I will trust enough to let them see all the skeletons in my closest.
I want someone who knows me well enough to buy gifts that are actually meaningful on holidays. For the last fucking time, I DO NOT EVER WANT CHOCOLATE AS A FUCKING GIFT. Chocolate is a gift you give to a girl on V-day or Xmas or her Bday or whatever, when you dont know her well enough to get her something she would actually like and want. I want someone who wont mind that I love showering the person I’m dating with gifts whenever I can and won’t take that as some diss to their manliness.
I want someone who loves to stay in and cuddle and watch tv with me, but can also go out and be crazy with me.
I want someone loyal. Someone who won’t lie to me, betray me, or cheat on me. I want someone who doesn’t see anyone but me - someone without wandering eyes.
I want a guy who won’t give a shit if I’m too goddamn lazy to shave my legs for a few days. I want a guy who can be my bestfriend and I can just hang out with. I want someone who lets me borrow their shirts and sweatshirts so even when I have to sleep alone, I am still left thinking about them.
I want a guy who isn’t afraid to put pictures of us on his fridge or in his home or as his facebook profile picture.
I want a man who is MAN ENOUGH to not be needy all the time. I want us to share a life but to also still retain our own identities. I do not have time to babysit you or be your mother, I’m not going to take care of you or coddle you. Men need to be independent and able to function on their own.
I want someone who will watch Sealab 2021 with me and will watch all the Harry Potter movies with me. I want someone who fully understands that Parks and Recreation is one of the best shows ever, along with The Office before they got rid of Micheal Scott.
I want someone who will understand that I deal with intense personal problems and that I will have a hard time believing them when they tell me that I’m beautiful or skinny. I need someone who still reminds me that they love me and think I am beautiful, but accepts that it is a daily battle for me to value myself and have any level of self-worth.
I want someone who is proud to bring me home to their parents. And someone who my parents will respect. I want someone who gets along with my friends and who my friends respect.
I don’t need someone who tries to impress me with fancy or expensive things or dates. Burgers, french fries, hanging out at home with a movie…those are all perfect by me. Nothing needs to be extravagant or expensive to be good.
I want someone to say good morning and goodnight to. I want someone to love. I want someone to fall asleep with and that will hold me in their arms. I’m even willing to give up my side of the bed.
I want a man that will never exist.